The Shepherd and the Lamb had fled into the night, leaving our hero alone and gameless. Though he cast his net wide and far, his efforts yielded no new foes to defeat with superior play. So he turned to me and said "Another game?"
For the sake of a completely different conflict, I brought Bacon. The model kind, I'm not generous enough to randomly buy people meat.
Edosaur dropped a list he was contemplating using in pairings in place of Butcher3, some uncompetitive garbage about Dragons.
Arkadius (The good Tier @ 4) - Two of: Road Hog, War Hog, Gorax, Gun Boar. Then Targ, Bone Grinders (Min), 6 Razor Boars
Objective: Fuel
pButcher (Tier 4 Claws of the Dragon) - 2x Kodiak, 3x Black Dragon IFP, 2x IFP Kovnik, Doge, min Uhlans
Objective Arcane Wonder
I'd actually forgotten what Objective I normally took and defaulted to Fuel. Mid game I remembered Fuel was what everyone took and I considered Arcane Wonder better. Alas.
It was a glorious start; in spite of the +1 bonus for Khador I won the roll. I picked first, because it felt mandatory when you actually win that damn roll against this nonsense or the BS that is B&S.
Minion Deploy: The Bacon rides again! We will not be paraded about! We will not heed what Charlotte says!
Khador Deploy: After ye old Advance Moves. That's enough of a Pikeman phalanx to make me this we were playing a completely different game...
Minion 1: Alright, here's what will happen (I think at this point). He'll send up a skirmish line of mini-feated shield dues with the non-feat guys behind, Butcher and Jacks will advance a little, Uhlans will start a long outflank. Half the RaBo's can go kill the Uhlans under feat, Road Hogs/other Rabo's will clear the skirmish line and set the IFP UA's/Kovniks on fire, using the feat to clear the fury on them.
To that end everything runs up in the fairly standard unpack, Heavies on the sides, RaBo's out front and light beasts in the middle.
Khador 1: Everyone goes as expected. Almost. Not quite. One change, quite disastrous.
The most forward IFP do pop Iron Zeal, but then they run and engage the RaBo line instead of Shield Marching forward.
The other IFP keep hold of their mini-feats and just Shield March ahead, the Uhlans move up behind the forest. The skirmish chaps gets Iron Flesh, the Ponies get Fury.
Minion 2: That rather simple oversight after a long die made something snap a little my brain, which decided to wander paths best left to Clowns high on Cocaine (What did you think was in the Red Nose? Its how they get through the day).
The new, terrible giggle plan: Arkadius can use the Sprint Animus, charge up to kill an IFP, Crippling Grasp the left IFP unit then fall back to safety.
Even through the veil of haze produced by my Manic europhia, I wasn't keen to roll out Arkadius glorious MAT 5 versus the DEF 16 IFP.
While I was contemplating this, the RaBo's bought some attacks into the front IFP, they did appallingly. One Gun Boar moved up, I got a lucky scatter into the trench, failed to kill the intended target (The BD IFP UA for the centre back unit) but did pop the IFP Kovnik (DICING LIKE A CHAMP).
This valuable thinking time allowed me to reason through the next piece to make the Arkadius Charlie Sheen experience truly winning.
One of the Gorax' moved up and threw a Gun Boar into the IFP Arkadius was going to charge, Odds are I wouldn't roll the 10 to kill and Arkadius would get to attack a sweet knock downed model.
Sadly the Gorax missed the throw, the scatter caused the Gun Boar into a spot that pushed the IFP out of possible engagement range.
My dreams of Arkadius combat shenanigans had fallen into the same disrepair as my 1988 Barina, that of an aluminium cube now likely recycled.
Arkadius moved up anyway, with Craft Talisman and LoS generated by me knocking all my own stuff down he hit a Crippling Grasp onto the back IFP unit.
Both Road Hogs Assaulted in (I contemplated some Assault/Road Hog girlfriend/Chris Brown joke, then decided we are all above such immoral garbage). The right one set the Kodiaks and Butcher on fire, the left killed two Pikies on the left unit and set a bunch (UA included) on glorious fire.
Khador 2: Fire went out on the Kodiaks, did a box to the Butcher (19 more turns until my glorious victory!) mostly went out on the IFP except for the Sergeant and UA officer, killing them both. Glorious.
The Kodiaks run up and shield Butchers future position. Said Lola lover then advances and feats (I had no counter argument to Ed's statement "If not now, then when?". I wanted to use the word 'poignant' in there somewhere, but James has caused that word to be chronically overused and grammatically abused, so gave it some imaginary tea instead. Real tea would have wrecked my screen and been a sign of madness).
The various IFP all move up, the centre units in Shield Walls with the Crippling Grasp unit using their mini-feat. The left unit charges instead. The left Road Hog and Gorax both takes hits, but live on. Several RaBo's and the left Gun Boar disappear into cinders.
The Uhlans charge the right Road Hog and destroy him so thoroughly that you'd think I'd associated the model with Jaja Binks and had to throw it in a fire.
The various red tokens are on models that have lost aspects, for the length of the game this is invariably the Spirit because BD IFP are wrong and can pick what column they stab.
Minion 3: Back to giggle planning. That centre blob of IFP look like the worst thing ever. Not Fetch in the least. I WILL POWER ATTACK MY WAY TO VICTORY. I'll slam my War Hogs into the various Medium bases and show them all!
I upkeep Crippling Grasp, remove Fury from the Gorax' and left Road Hog. The Gun Boar and RaBo's Frenzied, they take out several IFP and form a not terrible blocking line.
Arkadius puts Forced Evo on the right War Hog and heals everything with the spell he should have copyrighted before Thexus was released.
The left Road Hog moves up a little, kills two IFP and the Kovnik. That went better than expected. The left Gorax throws an IFP engaging him into another and kills both. As a reward Targ Medicates him for a few.
I decide the slamming plan is unnecessary now, as well as still being just a bad plan.
The other Gorax goes into the zone, throws an IFP into a brother of his and kills both.
The Bone Grinders put Sprint on the right War Hog.
The right War Hog charges and kills two Uhlans, I forget to proc Sprint. Doh!
I leave the left War Hog in reserve (Or...you know...I maaaaay have forgotten him).
Khador 3: Butcher takes another two points of damage! Both up-keeps drop.
Butcher heals for a couple and hangs in the zone. Just chillin.
The Uhlan and one Kodiak go into the right War Hog, they take out an aspect but leave him trucking.
The various IFP all go into my line of beasts, they only one RaBo is left standing and they take out the Spirits on the Gorax', Gun Boar and Road Hog.
Minion 4: The plan I wanted to do, but no amount of sugar would make work: If I could wrangle a feat advance in the right direction, I could then get the left War Hog into Butcher. Sadly my own Objective and the IFP made this ridiculously untenable.
Forced Evo/Crippling Grasp upkept.
The left Gorax frenzies, but misses the IFP engaging him.
Arkadius uses Psycho Surgery again (Or as it should have been titled for this game "Mana of heaven"), then arcs a Primal Shock from the Road Hog to kill the IFP engaging him, I finally remember to maltreat. He moves out of Butcher charge range.
The Road Hog goes for an Assault spray down the guts of the zone, and it is beautiful. Half of the nine models die, then the Roadie boosts his melee attacks and kills the two IFP he's engaging.
The Gun Boar, Gorax and RaBo in the zone swipe at various IFP, kill a few.
The War Hog on the right kills the Uhlan, then maxes out to trash a couple systems on the Kodiak.
Targ medicates the Road Hog (Targ is the reward based initiatives manager here at Nature of the Beast Inc.).
The left War Hog wakes himself from his stupor and moves up.
Khador go to 2 CP.
Khador 4: I'd back pedalled to far and Killboxed myself! The glorious Pig Empire was in severe danger!
Butcher takes no damage from fire.
The IFP scramble around, they kill the last Gun Boar and scratch at the Road Hog.
Butcher and the right Kodiak slaughter the War Hog in front of them.
Left Kodiak goes into the Road Hog, discovering to late that he dances like a butterfly and stings like a bee, hitting only a couple of his five attacks, including missing the chain attack headbutt.
The Doge runs to be near Butcher.
Minion 5: No upkeeps.
The struggle must continue! We not be porked! Bacon will rise up and choke the Khadoran filth from the inside if we need to!
You'd think Midas would have a Bone Grinder brother who'd be all about food poisoning, but anyway I digress. Again.
The Gorax in the zone activates, picks up the RaBo, throws it at the War Doge and kills him!
Arkadius gets Craft Talismaned, dismisses the Bone Grinders for he is a man of SCIENCE. He then uses the talisman just in case (Pascals Wager at the forefront of his mind) to throw Crippling Grasp into the left Kodiak, jog to the left a bit and put Forced Evo onto the Road Hog. He then Maltreats and Psycho Surgeries, restoring his mauled beasties.
Khador 5: Butcher takes a point of damage from fire, inevitable victory crawls towards us!
The pair of IFP on the right side of the zone kill the heroic RaBo that was catapulted at the war Doge.
The Left IFP hit the Road Hog, leaving it with a box left in the body.
Buthcer charges the War Hog, kills it then the Gorax, camps two.
The Kodiak trundles around.
Minion 6: Forced Evo upkept.
The left Gorax throws an IFP and knocks down two of the ones engaging the Road Hog.
It is time. He was born for this. He would prove that it is MAT 5 and not 9 that a warrior makes.
Arkadius charges Butcher. I boost the hit roll, land it and make him stationary. He then arcs a Primal Shock through the Road Hog to kill the last IFP engaging him. He then does a Brain Damage attack on Butcher, because he can.
The Road Hog charges Butcher, kills him with two buys.
Me on the right, I broke the no-photos-when-under-15-minutes rule because this game was damn hilarious and I wanted to recall it well.
I forgot to feat.
